Monday, December 7, 2015

I Promised You A Blog Post

I promised you a blog post
But all I can do is stare at a blank screen
Struggling to write
The one thing I'm good at
The one thing I've always been able to do

So I'll try to say it in a new way
Words aligned into neat little lines
Freestyle it from my heart
Even though my thoughts knot and snarl

With one click of a button
I sent a Pack-and-Play to your doorstep
And it will never feel like enough
To say that I'm happy for you
And sorry
For all the times I've been selfish and cruel
Or just confusing
And thankful for
And all the times you've picked up the phone
Pretended like nothing was wrong
My first friend
My first best friend

You are a new person now
Your belly round 
(but not that round)
A new girl inside
For our tribe of strong and fragile women
A new partner at your side
Who makes you laugh
In a way I've never heard you laugh before
The kind of laugh that means you're truly happy

I promise you a blog post
As I play the role of court jester
Clutching a paper plate and a plastic cup
Everyone laughs as we shower you with gift cards
Cringe at chocolate bars melted inside diapers
Cut cakes made of pink fondant
Ooo and aww in all the right places
Tiny clothes with cupcake covered behinds
None say Future Feminist
Like I know how you will raise a daughter to be

She will have 
The best of both worlds
Southern sweetness
Northern nerve
Just like you

In just 4 months 
You will be a mother
A role that seems so adult
When did we become adults?
I still think of us as two heads
In a sea of family
One blonde and one brunette
Always together

I write this late at night
When I know you'll be sleeping
Being the responsible one
While I stay up
The dreamer and star counter
Because I promised you a blog post
Even though you deserve so much more

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